“5. I think I'm pretty good with my language and my presentation skills, but I think I'm a tad nervous at times, so I guess my communication skills are average.”
How ignorant of me! All these time I allowed myself to believe that communication is all verbal, and that being nervous is the only factor that will affect how good a communicator I am! Ask me the same question now, and my answer would be one of uncertainty, simply because communication encompasses so many different factors! From body language, facial expressions, the language we speak, the communication channels we use and many more. The fact is, communication isn't just one-way, it's both-ways! Being able to comprehend what others are communicating to me is just as important! The truth is, communication is happening all the time and all around us, even if we don't notice it.
Whenever I play live with my band (I'm the electric guitarist), we try our best to arrange the music before we go on stage so that everybody knows their parts and play appropriately when we're on stage, but when situations arise and things need to be changed, the leader of the band would use various parts of his body to tell us what he wants the band to do. He might use his hands, feet, eyes or even nodding his head to tell us to change the tempo, change the key of the song, move on to the next song, start instrument solos or vocal solos and many more! I've been playing for so many years, I have taken for granted this facet of communicating! If not for these signals, we would have messed up so many times on stage I would probably have quit playing with the band for fear of further embarrassment!
As I was typing this post, I decided to attempt an experiment. The scenario is, I'm sitting on the floor in the library in a manner which is rather... queer. I asked my friend to observe people's reaction around me when they saw me. These are some reactions and comments that were barely audible.
- While walking pass, an uncle stared at me while frowning his eyebrows the whole time.
- “Siao” (Crazy in hokkien), exclaimed an elderly man.
- A child telling his mother about “that guy in the corner”, while pointing his finger at me. The mother nodding in agreement after she noticed me.
I'm giving everybody around me a bad impression of myself, when in fact I'm actually a normal person, and I didn't even speak to any of them.
Effective communcation skills are certainly important, not just for the tangible results. Writing good resumes and leaving a good impression during a job interview are good skills to have, but we should also see how effective communcation skills can be used to impact the lives of people around us. I for one, will attempt to communicate better with my girlfriend. It's mind boggling whenever I ask her if something is wrong and she says,
“Nothing.”
It never means “nothing” right?
Edited Monday 24th August 2009 10:40pm - Changed the sentences BB sensei talked about in his comment
7 comments:
HAHA!! Yes, it is most definitely not nothing! This is so enlightening! I'm always say "nothing" too. Reading your post gave me a bit of outsider's perspective and I suddenly realise that it was NOT outsider's perspective! I can't say for sure about your case but in my opinion, I think it is often a mini breakdown in communication in the relationship. Like for example, the boy not being aware of his upsetting actions and the girl being unable to successfully voice out her unhappiness. If both parties were able to rectify this, a cold war might be prevented ;)
Hello Joel,
I guess one thing about us humans is that we judge. We often make comments about people just based on their outside. That is probably why first impressions count alot right? I would have looked at you with a weird look on my face if I've seen you sitting on the library floor in a rather queer position.
I think it's interesting that you mentioned how communication is important in a band. What we audience view and hear is just the performance when you band members are actually communicating effectively, performing as one.
And yes, nothing never means "nothing." Do spend a little more time and effort to know what's really on her mind. Listen with your heart :)
(PS: it is so cool you're in a band! do you need an extra singer?! hahaha)
Hey Joel!
Interesting post you have there! (: I must say it was brave of you to try such an embarrassing experiment but it must have been rather enlightening for you at the same time! I believe if i were one of the passer-bys i would be wary of you too! :D
Indeed, we've taken so many forms of communication for granted. Actions which are meaningful are often taken as it is without much thought, while hurtful words although with good intentions are hatefully carved in our minds all the time. I mean, how often have we been frustated at our mothers nagging at us when actually the simple message she was trying to convey was that she cares?
Last thing, I can somehow relate to your "nothing" experience because it has occurred to me a few times and i wish i could just have a mind reader working like a USB card reader where all thoughts are displayed blatantly to me. But then again, human beings aren't computers so I'm sure as you go along you'll be able to understand and perhaps talk your girlfriend into sharing with you what's on her mind. It will definitely bring your relationship to a higher level.
Cheers! (:
Hi Joel,
It’s really interesting that you make such an experiment. Yap, without other communication channels or any further explanations, I would also feel that you were really strange by looking at your wired posture. This reminds me that maybe sometimes we give others an impression that we are not intended to make. We may just not aware of our inappropriate tones or gestures.
For doing performance like bands, it’s a special way of communication. You use music and lyrics to communicate with the audiences; while eye contacts and gestures become important channels between you and your teammates during the performance.
This is an original approach to the post assignment, Joel. I like the way you start with the self evaluation, move to the overview of skills, detail the type of communication that takes place in your band situation, and end with the experiment. Well done!
There are a few minor problems in language use that a bit of editing would have helped with:
1) All these time I allowed myself to subtly believe that communication is all verbal and nervousness partially affecting how good a communicator I am!
2) Even more important is the fact that communication isn't just what I'm trying to bring across, what is coming in and how I unravel what the other party is communicating to me is also important!
3) ...the leader of the band would use hand signals, leg signals, eye contact or nod his head to indicate to us what he wants us to do.
4) As I'm typing this post, I attempted a mini experiment.
Look at these and see if you can find the problems.
Thanks!
Your experiment isn't scientifically rigorous. You didn't prepare a control group, and you didn't repeat the experiment to check if the results were a fluke. =P
Sorry, I jest. You bring up quite a good point. I've never really thought about this before, but appearance really is a form of communication, isn't it? People get so much information about us from the way we look. It may not be correct information, but still, they form opinions on us based on what we look like and what we're doing.
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