Resolving Interpersonal Conflict - Oasis Style

28th August 2009 - Noel Gallagher has left Oasis!

"The details are not important and of too great a number to list. But I feel you have the right to know that the level of verbal and violent intimidation towards me, my family, friends and comrades has become intolerable."

And the lack of support and understanding from my management and band mates has left me with no other option than to get me cape and seek pastures new."

Talk about resolving interpersonal conflicts!

For the uninitiated, Oasis is an english rock band and one of the best selling UK bands of all times. The band was fronted by the Gallagher brothers, Noel and Liam. Their music include Number 1 hit singles like Wonderwall and Stand By Me. Success however, has come at a cost. The Gallagher brothers have always had a fractious relationship even though they've been together in the band for 18 years. Liam admitted in an interview that he rarely spoke with his brother and seldom travelled with him even when they were on tour together, only seeing each other on stage because they had to.

"He doesn't like me and I don't like him, that's it," Liam said.

The two have had bad fall-outs, but the last straw came on friday night while on tour in Paris. A backstage fight between the brothers culminated in Liam smashing Noel's guitar. The night's performance was cancelled minutes before it was to begin. Two hours later Noel put up this statement on the band's website.

"It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight. People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer."

I'm pretty sure both were clearly unhappy with the other party, yet through all these years both hung on together in order that the band could go on. People knew the brothers were different, yet they managed to set aside their differences for the good of the band, until now.

If you were Noel, and you know you have issues with your brother, what would you do after all the fracas on friday? Lose your pride, make up with Liam and salvage the band? Or walk away with good memories but leave the conflict unresolved?

Effective Communication Skills. Why are they important?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you grade yourself when it comes to being an effective communicator? If someone had asked me this question before I attended the 1st week of ES2007S, I would have said,

“5. I think I'm pretty good with my language and my presentation skills, but I think I'm a tad nervous at times, so I guess my communication skills are average.”

How ignorant of me! All these time I allowed myself to believe that communication is all verbal, and that being nervous is the only factor that will affect how good a communicator I am! Ask me the same question now, and my answer would be one of uncertainty, simply because communication encompasses so many different factors! From body language, facial expressions, the language we speak, the communication channels we use and many more. The fact is, communication isn't just one-way, it's both-ways! Being able to comprehend what others are communicating to me is just as important! The truth is, communication is happening all the time and all around us, even if we don't notice it.

Whenever I play live with my band (I'm the electric guitarist), we try our best to arrange the music before we go on stage so that everybody knows their parts and play appropriately when we're on stage, but when situations arise and things need to be changed, the leader of the band would use various parts of his body to tell us what he wants the band to do. He might use his hands, feet, eyes or even nodding his head to tell us to change the tempo, change the key of the song, move on to the next song, start instrument solos or vocal solos and many more! I've been playing for so many years, I have taken for granted this facet of communicating! If not for these signals, we would have messed up so many times on stage I would probably have quit playing with the band for fear of further embarrassment!

As I was typing this post, I decided to attempt an experiment. The scenario is, I'm sitting on the floor in the library in a manner which is rather... queer. I asked my friend to observe people's reaction around me when they saw me. These are some reactions and comments that were barely audible.

• While walking pass, an uncle stared at me while frowning his eyebrows the whole time.
• “Siao” (Crazy in hokkien), exclaimed an elderly man.
• A child telling his mother about “that guy in the corner”, while pointing his finger at me. The mother nodding in agreement after she noticed me.

I'm giving everybody around me a bad impression of myself, when in fact I'm actually a normal person, and I didn't even speak to any of them.

Effective communcation skills are certainly important, not just for the tangible results. Writing good resumes and leaving a good impression during a job interview are good skills to have, but we should also see how effective communcation skills can be used to impact the lives of people around us. I for one, will attempt to communicate better with my girlfriend. It's mind boggling whenever I ask her if something is wrong and she says,

“Nothing.”

It never means “nothing” right?

Edited Monday 24th August 2009 10:40pm - Changed the sentences BB sensei talked about in his comment